It's time to make another film. This time I have new toys, a crew and one trained actor. Well, by crew I mean Michael Henderson and by trained actor I mean... trained actor, actually : ) . I'm shooting with a Lumix TZ7, meaning crystal clear 720p images and an in-built stereo mic. Although, who needs an inbuilt mic when you have a sound man!

Mic + Boom Pole + Headphones = Looking pro.

Ronan and John performing a pivotal scene.

I'm going to try hard not to give too much about Project John away but I think it's probably safe to show you a couple of videos from the shoot yesterday when a blind man walked directly into the entire crew and then into the shot.

Video 1

Video 2

The overriding reason for this post is to displace the picture of an almost naked Ben Clarke from the top of our weblog. But despite that, I hope a production diary will be of interest to our Mango readers. Things I'm attempting in the future include using a bicycle and two able men as a makeshift dolly. I'll let you know how that goes if I survive.

Thanks to Jonny Baillie for the photographs and for being an excellent human clapper board. Speaking of which, watch this space for some more Jonny Baillie related media very soon...

Let's talk about the Doctor's assistant. 'Johnny Baillie got an assistant?!' I hear you say? No no no. The Doctor! What to say... Where to start...

Smut alert.

I live in Manchester. It's a world away from anywhere else, mostly because the people sound, and are, so fucking stupid. (Or as the Noel Gallagher might say, 'Half the world away'. Yeah?) So, sex. What about it? Salford's smartest expat, Karl Pilkington, once described it as 'just something to do.' But if in Salford sex is just something to engage in after a few bottles of White Lightning, it is a whole other concept elsewhere. Sex sells.

Take the third best show on TV at the moment - Single, Together, Whatever  on BBC Switch. Hunter S Thompson described Bill Clinton as a 'congenitally lewd man who is evil in a way that is charming'. Single, Together, Whatever  is similarly immoral, but similarly charming, in concept.

I forget what lecherous assholes most teenage boys are and what fucking spiteful morons teenage girls are. Still I can't get enough of it. The sex that is.

If you are one of our many international readers you might be wondering what Phil, Porter, Johnston et al are really like. The truth? We love anything remotely lascivious. And this isn't a new thing. Back in the days of the 71 Malone or 70 Ladybrook I bet Phil was just dying to be lewd. Jesus, I mean, I wanted to have obscene salacious conversations about girls and stuff. Only for the fact I was more of a Charlie Kelly than a Dennis Reynolds I would have.

Porter, Thomas, JG... We all have a similar zeal for sordid topics. Back in school little did we know Thomas was experimenting with body chocolate. I mean, for some reason I wrote 'I shot George Harrison' on my schoolbag, but jesus... Body chocolate!

And don't scoff, CD. This stuff is going to determine the fate of our country.

(Fuck. Mickelson just birdied again. I write this as he bounds towards another green jacket, a story that will offer some respite in the sordid saga that is Tiger Woods and his infidelity.)

All this brings us back to the second best show on TV at the moment and the newest Doctor. Great. So good. I'm still laughing at that line, 'Yeah, it's cool. Bowties are cool.' But how did I hear that line? Why was I even watching Doctor Who? I have not watched Doctor Who in about two years - and the last Doctor was frickin' great. But do you know what else is frickin' great? Karen Gillan. A fact shown by a recent study:

So, I suppose that's all the proof we need. The Doctor is back. And so are the features.

Courtesy of a magazine from a mental health clinic somewhere in Salford...

Episode 11 of Northern Ireland's favourite cafe review series brings the crew back to Glasgow once again. This time to Offshore, Gibson Street. Take it away, Burr...

Offshore (Burr Tour Ep. 11) from Philip Chan on Vimeo. 

[2]

Wayne Bridge has now pulled out of the England squad for the World Cup. Before Man City thrashed Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, the one-time England left-back refused to shake John Terry's hand. On account of the fact that Terry had slept with his (ex-) girlfriend.

My question is - could you put personal differences behind you for the good of the national team? Would you put heart before country? Principles before your own career interest? Is Wayne Bridge brave or cowardly?