So you're ignoring Scotland in your so-called "world tour". I guess I'll just have to see you in Auckland then.

(I hope everybody appreciates how profoundly improbable it is that I have this opportunity.)

Location: 8 Lapwing Lane, West Didsbury (south Manchester)

Food: Burton Road in West Didsbury would take a long time to walk down if you were Garth Algar - let it just be said that there are a lot of attractive ladies in this area of Manchester. It's not all good though. With such high stakes come high expectations. This makes wooing challenging to say the least. It gets even tougher if you don't have a refrigerator like Mr Chi City. So what can a guy do? Don't worry buddy. Here are 7 reasons The Lime Tree will seal the deal:

1. Just like the rest of West Didsbury The Ivy Tree feels quaint and bucolic. Ivy and flowers hanging everywhere...
2. The glass doors open onto a bonnie wee balcony looking out into the charming side street adjacent. In summer the hum of people merrymaking in the village is... 'comforting'.
3. The kitchen serves stellar food - hand-dived scallops, cannelloni of crab, suckling pig, calve's liver, steak and lemon sole. Then there are the desserts. Girls love desserts...
   'The puddings at The Lime Tree are lush. After my sticky toffee pudding I was never not going to sleep with him.' - quote from attractive Manchester girl, 2010
4. Manchester girls seem to love wine. Apparently.
5. Candles 'n' shit.
6. Lots of leg room for footsies.
   'Footsies is very important to me before I sleep with a man.' - quote from attractive Manchester medic, 2010
7. I believe they have a chrome garbage can on the premises. From Egypt or some shit...

The Lime Tree is unrivaled by most other chowhouses in Manchester with regards to scran and ambience. Where it loses marks? Price...

Price: Starters up to £9; mains range from £15 to £20; desserts around £6. Set menu around £15. But then again, who said love was cheap?

Website: http://www.thelimetreerestaurant.co.uk

Burr: 2
 

*All of this is based on conjecture by the writer, who has never 'wooed' any woman himself and would never dare to try, lest RB find out.

I wish I could show you more photos but I haven't had a chance to get uploading onto Flickr yet. Queenstown is a tiny little tourist-centric town in the middle of nowhere, a good four hour's drive out of Dunedin. I don't really want to say much because, let's be honest, my blogs are pretty boring and you're here to read Johnston's blogs anyway.

I took these photos myself, honestly, and I barely did anything on Picasa. Queenstown really is that epic.

As I said, I wish I could show you all the other photos I took and in higher resolution. Watch this space.

Anyway... skiing!

How have I not done it up until now? Never have I found so much joy in something I'm so utterly crap at. As far as places to have your first ever skiing experience, surely Queenstown is as good as it gets. Can we please now start organising regular skiing trips? There are scenic slopes and breathtaking beauty in Scotland as well, right?... Please don't make me go to Xscape. :(

Location: Bury's World Famous Market, Bury*

Food: 'Saxophones started blowing me down / I was buried in sound.' In the next line Jeff Tweedy sings about taxis. Bury doesn't have taxis like the taxis on Michigan Avenue. Neither does it have saxophones. And the only sound is the constant murmur of Manc whine. What Bury does have, though, is Bury's World Famous Market. The 'famous' part? Well, that goes without saying...

Like Roquefort with cheese or Champagne and it's sparkling wine, the name 'Bury' is synonymous with black puddin'. Somehow the people in this little town north of Manchester, with all their rainy streets and flat vowels, created something funny and unique and delicious. Hanging between stalls like edible bunting, the choice of black pudding is endless. Chadwicks or Ogdens, Smiths or the Bury Black Pudding Co, locals lean out offering up their puddings. If you stop though beware. Questions are answered with dry humour and puddings are 'made with extra fat'.

Enough of this pudding chat though, what else is there?

16 inches? That's big even by Porter's standards. But don't get too excited girls, there's still the meat, barmcakes, kitsch, fruit, stockings, fish, ovenbottoms, Uncle Joe's Mint Balls, cheese, Eccles cakes, veg...

Price: Even with a stingy Manc's wallet you can get your fill at Bury's World Famous Market. The locals might bemoan the 'credit crunch 'n' that', but to me 86 pence for a big sausage made of blood, oats and fat will always seem like a steal.

Website: The very creepy http://www.burymarket.com

Burr: Bury's World Famous Market did well. Two hours of gastronomic revery. Then I saw this...

[ Missing Bury photo! ]

...and remembered where I was. Fucking Lancashire. Score: -5
 

*Pronounced 'berry'

Unlike Mountain Dew which doesn't actually have any distinguishable flavour, L&P is definitely most parts lemonade but there's something else in it that I can't quite put my finger on. Crisp and refreshing, it's quite an attractive product really.

P.S. Yes, those are skis. But more on that later.