I feel like I should dedicate more blog-space to Dunedin itself. I did spend the best part of five weeks there afterall. Dunedin was apparently based on Edinburgh. But they ran out of money, or it was too hilly, or something. Who cares, really? Many of the buildings such as the Otago University building above are based on Scottish architecture.

The train station in Dunedin is supposedly the most photographed building in the Southern Hemisphere. Good job then that they put loads of traffic lights and lamp posts in the way to ensure that each and every one of the photographs taken will look incredibly amateur.

Things I did included walking up Baldwin Street, the steepest residential street in the world (literal not figurative). Walking down was harder. There was an all-Kiwi souvenir shop at the bottom of Baldwin Street, selling "certificates" amongst the range of genuine Kiwi tat. The shop was, of course, owned by a Chinese couple.

Other things I did included spending time with nice people, including, but not limited to, these people:

See you all soon, I'm sure.

P.S. More photos right here.

Act 1 - Adventures In Solitude

I can't imagine that there are many people who can say that they've been to the cinema by themselves. Sure, people have been to the cinema by themselves but they've never been to the cinema by themselves. Themselves as in nobody else was in the cinema with them, completely alone. An audience of one.

When a delightfully cliched freeze-frame cued the end of the delightfully cliched feature I was already set to go, determined to avoid eye contact with the two-girl clean-up crew waiting outside. They were each wielding one of those pooper-scooper things, wielding, as they would soon find out, in vain. I wasn't embarrassed about being by myself and I wasn't embarrassed about watching The Karate Kid. I was embarrassed about being seen to choose to watch The Karate Kid by myself. It seemed in this case the embarrassment was greater than the sum of its parts.

In retrospect I am a tad perplexed as to why I felt embarrassment at all, for one of the better things I've discovered about being in an alien city all by yourself is the absolute anonymity that it provides. Indeed, just yesterday I tripped like a champion on a set of stairs in public and who was around to witness it? Just a handful of Kiwis. Who cares about them anyway?


Act 2 - These Are The Fables

The 2010 re-imagining of The Karate Kid serves six main purposes:

1. To perpetuate the myth that all Chinese people know kung fu.
2. To perpetuate the myth that all Chinese children are virtuoso pianists and/or violinists.
3. To perpetuate the myth that contemporary Chinese people live in 19th Century houses and wear 19th century clothes.
4. To demonstrate that the only thing more awkward than watching pre-pubescent teenagers beat the living crap out of each other is watching them have romantic relationships.
5. To act as a feature-length advertisement for China.
6. To prove that Will Smith is trying to turn his son into the next Will Smith by teaching him how to act exactly like Will Smith.

Once again I'll try to spare you any lengthy prose. Tunnel Beach is a tiny, secluded alcove of sand on the coast of Dunedin, hidden by a screen of cliffs.

It is accessed via a twenty minute downhill trek through a sheep farm, ending in a tunnel through the rock that was dug out by one of the early South Island settlers so that his family could play on the beach.
 

 
It is important that I convey to you the fact that the beach is completely hidden until you first come out of the other end of the tunnel.
 

 
The surprise and seclusion of the area factored a lot into my decision that Tunnel Beach is the most amazing location on the planet that I have seen in my life so far.
 

 
Cliffs are neat.
 

 
Information for girls: If I take you to Tunnel Beach one day it probably means that I'm going to propose to you.

So I promised mind-blowing photographs of what is allegedly one of the most beautiful locations on the planet, Milford Sound. But unfortunately, I had not prepared myself for this:

Which meant photo-obscuring mist, camera-destroying rain and a Chan-annoying trip. It wasn't all bad. The heavy downpour meant that there would be epic waterfalls abound. The scale of the Sound was incredible and the Mirror Lake was certainly the most scenic thing I've substituted for a urinal so far. I can't speak for anyone else, of course.

This will not be the dramatic and lengthy treatise that I imagined it would be. Look at it as more of a friendly public service announcement.

With 3.5 weeks left of academia hell before English Glen is thrust into the cold, hard, Real World, any fantasy football related posts will be short until my Sept. 1 deadline is met. After that deadline... well.

I liken myself to a certain Ron-Ron, who returned to our screens with a vengeance late last week. As Pauly D said at the time, 'When Ronnie starts dancing, look out!' Well when I start looking unemployable and desperate, look out, because i'll be writing mini goddamned novels each week analyzing why I am outstanding, and the other 11 teams are less than outstanding.

Here is, in descending order, the draft pick order for the MTL 2010 Season:

12. Green Oak Goblins (Ronan Gordon-McMillan) with a dice roll of 184

11. Woodland Warriors (Jonny Baillie) 216

10. West End Wranglers (Neil McComb) 242

9. Prypiat Giant Rats* (Michael Henderson) 335

8. Forfar Farrakhans (Glen Christie) 458

7. Holywood Hummingbirds (Mark Baillie) 502

6. Biloxi Box Turtles (Neil Finlayson) 531

5. Bristow Boilermakers (Michael Johnston) 723

4. Patapsco Basin Red-Tops (Stephen Currie) 736

3. Trossachs Tantrum (Michael Hollingworth) 773

2. Partick Hustle (Philip Chanman) 826

1. Abandoned Baby Bulls (Christopher Burrows) 976

So there we have it. I will now update the draft order on the league site, and you can begin to scheme, plot, plan, trade picks, or completely ignore this information until Sunday, September 5, at 8PM. For at that moment, we shall draft.