This will not be the dramatic and lengthy treatise that I imagined it would be. Look at it as more of a friendly public service announcement.
With 3.5 weeks left of academia hell before English Glen is thrust into the cold, hard, Real World, any fantasy football related posts will be short until my Sept. 1 deadline is met. After that deadline... well.
I liken myself to a certain Ron-Ron, who returned to our screens with a vengeance late last week. As Pauly D said at the time, 'When Ronnie starts dancing, look out!' Well when I start looking unemployable and desperate, look out, because i'll be writing mini goddamned novels each week analyzing why I am outstanding, and the other 11 teams are less than outstanding.
Here is, in descending order, the draft pick order for the MTL 2010 Season:
12. Green Oak Goblins (Ronan Gordon-McMillan) with a dice roll of 184
11. Woodland Warriors (Jonny Baillie) 216
10. West End Wranglers (Neil McComb) 242
9. Prypiat Giant Rats* (Michael Henderson) 335
8. Forfar Farrakhans (Glen Christie) 458
7. Holywood Hummingbirds (Mark Baillie) 502
6. Biloxi Box Turtles (Neil Finlayson) 531
5. Bristow Boilermakers (Michael Johnston) 723
4. Patapsco Basin Red-Tops (Stephen Currie) 736
3. Trossachs Tantrum (Michael Hollingworth) 773
2. Partick Hustle (Philip Chanman) 826
1. Abandoned Baby Bulls (Christopher Burrows) 976
So there we have it. I will now update the draft order on the league site, and you can begin to scheme, plot, plan, trade picks, or completely ignore this information until Sunday, September 5, at 8PM. For at that moment, we shall draft.
I really hope no outsiders were trying to keep up with the MTL, since I guess I never got round to celebrating the eventual victor. I got lazy and busy. I do apologize. But Michael Henderson's Prypiat Giant Rats will be celebrated plenty on Sunday night, at what is the concluding event of easily the greatest Superbowl Weekend Event in the UK.
It's late and I don't have much to say. But this is what i'll be bringing to the table on Sunday night.
Say hello to a litre of sauce, about 10lbs of pulled pork, 40 ribs, 40 wings and a whole load of Texas style beans.
Ribs, wings, and pork butt, each clingfilmed and refrigerated in their own specific Christie 'Q Rub over night.
(I couldn't resist. I had a wing. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's probably the best wing i've ever tasted that wasn't made at a WingStop.)
Half of the pork, just as it is about to be slow cooked to heaven.
Half of the pulled pork, lightly dressed, juicy and tender as you've ever eaten.
A kilo of pinto beans, soaking overnight. I have a date with those bad boys at 9AM.
It really feels like only a few weeks ago we started this whole thing and alas, it's week 15, and week 1 of the play offs.
Here are your challengers:
1- Abandonded Baby Bulls
2- Prypiat Giant Rats
3- Partick Hustle
4- Woodland Warriors
Where is Michael Hollingworth?! Where are the Tantrum?!
Well, he blew it. Needing only a victory to take the wildcard spot he has insisted all year is rightfully his... no dice. A two-point loss. The real kicker? Steve Smith and his 14 points sat on the bench. No dice Hollingworth. See you in the Loser Bracket.
To the match ups!
No. 1 Bulls vs. No. 4 Warriors
At the start of the year, no one saw Chris Burrows strolling into the playoffs with the best record, the most points scored... quite simply, the best team. The Bulls have been nothing short of dominant. The names don't jump out at you, but there is no doubt that Burr drafted smart. McNabb has performed all year. DeAngelo Williams is a lone bright star on an awful team. He took the risk on Brandon Marshall and his 3 game suspension way back in the pre-season. Marshall rewarded Chris's loyalty last week, with an NFL record 21 receptions against the Colts. This is a solid team, and they're looking to continue their run with solid numbers from solid players. My two players to watch? DeAngelo and Brandon. No running backs look forward to the Williams Wall of Minnesota, but if anyone can put them through their paces, it's Carolina's own Williams. Despite injuries all year, Williams has over 1100 yards and is averaging 5.8 yds per carry this season. And what can you say about Brandon Marshall? Only months ago it seemed that there was no way back for Marshall in this Broncos team. And last week he looked like the most consistent receiver in the game. 1000 yards and 9 TDs on his shortened season, and this week he's playing the Raiders. I wouldn't want to be facing Brandon this week.
Now the Wildcard Warriors! Not a dominant team by any stretch this season, but they hung in there, and miracle of all miracles, they're in the post-season where many are not. Then again, any team with Adrian Peterson has a strong shot at success, and with Phil Rivers at QB, there hasn't been a disappointing performance all year. And how could one of my players to watch not be All Day? 1500 all purpose yards and 14 touchdowns. He's a machine, and he's playing the Panthers. There have been dry weeks for Peterson, but with a guy of that talent, he's seeing entire defenses in the box waiting for him. If Brett Favre can put his slump on hold a little, stretch the field and get the safeties to back off, there is no doubt Peterson can find some room and break a couple off. With Peterson it's just a case of waiting for the touchdown run. Secondly, it's the Rivers/V-Jax Connection. Vincent Jackson hasn't quite broken the 1000 yard mark yet, but scores touchdowns and has an impressive 17 yards per catch average. Because Philip likes to throw deep, and his number 1 target is the 6'5'' Jackson. When he's not drawing PI calls, he's making impossible catches, but his competition this week is stiff. The Bengals corners have to be the most underrated in the league. Hall and Joseph look better every time i've seen them, and have held quality WRs to small games. Jackson has the height advantage, and will need to use it to keep Jonny in this contest.
My pick, the Abandonded Baby Bulls.
I'm currently watching the Colts/Jags game. Dallas Clark just scored another freaking touchdown. I hate that guy.
No. 2 Rats vs. No. 3 Hustle
I hate rats.
Do you know what King Rats are? *shudder*
I spent 20 cents to see a real life giant rat in at Coney Island this summer. Thankfully it didn't actually exist. It was a con. You know what isn't a con? The Prypiat Giant Rats. This team is for real. Kurt Warner has had another solid year. 2 running backs, both with over 1000 yards, and combined for over 20 touchdowns. This is a frightening team. First player to watch just has to be MJD. I'm watching him right now, in fact. Nothing going on yet, but in the first series of the game, MJD was running hard and he was having success. He apparently has a bone to pick with the Colts for not drafting him. All he needs is a touchdown, and right now, I can certainly see it coming. Secondly, well who else but Just For Men himself. The problem with Kurt Warner is that every now and again, when you get to him early and you get to him hard, he does one of those self implosion games where he literally does nothing right. Luckily for Michael, one of those games was last Monday against the Niners. You know what Warner does in the games that follow those horrorshows? He explodes. Without fail. This week? He's playing Detroit. Who Brady Quinn picked APART. Oh oh.
The Hustle? You know, earlier in the season, I found myself rooting pretty hard against the Hustle. I can't explain it. It's mainly that I like the shape of Phil's face when he is losing. But as the season has progressed, i've learned to love this team. And I do wish them continued success, after winning their first divisional title.They're solid all round. Lights out at QB, RB, and receiver. This week i'm looking at Matt Schaub. He's had a career year, almost 4000 yards and 25 touchdowns. I guess it helps when you're throwing to Andre Johnson and your running backs keep putting it on the ground. The Texans, of course, are on their annual 'We're Out Of The Race But We'll Dominate In December So We Can Finish at 8-8 Like We Deserve.' And this week they play St. Louis. Oh oh.
(MJD just scored a receiving touchdown. Beautiful play by Garrard. Go Rats!)
Secondly, well this guy is my man to watch every week, but usually under much better circumstances. Can you really expect Chad Ochocinco not to explode on Sunday after today's tragedy? Esteban was out on the practice field wearing number 15 today, in honor of his close friend and teammate Chris Henry, who died today after an accident yesterday. Henry seemed to be turning his life around this year, he's stayed out of trouble and by all accounts was making the most of his second chance in the NFL. It was only last week the Boys In The Pub were watching the Bengals and talking about how they seemed to miss Henry since he broke his arm a few weeks back. Just really, really, sad stuff. And you know Ochocinco will be playing as hard as he ever has. San Diego beware.
RIP Chris.
My pick? The Hustle. They're the Chosen Ones. MJD better stop scoring though.
The Loser Bracket
Haha, like i'm gonna spend time on us douchebags in the bullshit ladder. Here are my picks.
No. 5 Tantrum over No. 6 Box Turtles
No 8. Wranglers over No. 7 Goblins
No. 10 Goblins over No. 9 Red Tops
No. 11 B'Makers over THE WORST TEAM IN THE REGULAR SEASON The Prairie Dogs.
What a terrible fantasy season.
Well I hope you're all settling down for the holidays. This weekend I get to watch 5 football games in their entirety, go to see my beloved Forfar Athletic in the frozen tundra that is Station Park, and hang out with my Crew, who I have missed dearly. My Fast Food Tour Gang will be reunited for the first time since we dropped Michael off at Boston Airport. I'm excited.
And i'll see you all on the otherside, for Championship week, where we'll preview the Superbowl. Who will be competeing for the first ever MTL title? We'll get a clear idea on Sunday night.
Love to your mothers.
(EDIT- While reading over this post, MJD scored again. Oh oh)
I have to apologize for letting slip the last few weeks. I've been busy, and last week I just straight up forgot to preview. I do feel bad about it, and this week, i'll be focusing exclusively on the play off race to make up for it.
For this weekend is the final regular season match up in the first Mango Tour League. And next week...
So as you can see, congratulations are in order for Chris and Michael, taking the Bulls and Rats to Division Titles in their first fantasy seasons. Well done you guys.
There are, however, two play off spots yet to be snatched. The winner of the Central Division, and the Wildcard.
There are long and convuluted tie breaker situations which have been explained through an email essay to the competitors. I will not bore you with those details. This is, kind of, how it shakes out.
Both Goblins and Hustle are tied at the top of the Central division. They play the Wranglers and the H'birds respectively. Naturally, if one loses and the other wins, they shall be crowned Central Champs and take their rightful place in the play offs. If they both win, or indeed both lose, The Partick Hustle will take the title, due to their superior intra-division record. To make the play-offs, all Phil has to do is win.
As for the Wildcard... it will be much easier if Hollingworth and his Tantrum win. If they win, they get the Wildcard Spot. Yet he faces East Champs the Baby Bulls.
Waiting in the wings are the Warriors and the Goblins. If both win and the Tantrum lose, shit gets complicated, as they'll all have the same record, and same divisional record. But according to most tiebreak scenarios, the Goblins will take the place.
This is what I sent out in the email to the league re. the Tiebreak Situation. The Situation. Mikey, 'The Situation'.
(You'll only get that if you're watching Jersey Shore, the single greatest reality show OF ALL TIME)
"So it boils down to this. Michael... just win. If you lose, Ronan, just win. If they both lose, Jonny, PLEASE WIN. It's in Hollingworth's hands, but look for the Goblins and the Warriors to steal it away if they can."
After that horrorshow of a Thursday night game, it's advantage Phil, after Mendenhall disappointed with only 6 points for the Goblins. However the Hustle's opponents have Chris Johnson playing against the Rams. And you know what Chris Johnson has...
As for the Tantrum and the Bulls, well that one's too close to call. But the Tantrum are certainly struggling with running back depth, relying, in what is essentially week one of their playoffs, on Quentin Ganther, the 17th string 'Skins rb. I know he's playing the Raiders, but really...
On Tuesday, or as soon as it's official, I shall announce the play off bracket. It's getting serious.
To the Red Tops, Boilermakers, Box Turtles, Hummingbirds and Wranglers, i'll see you in the consolation bracket. Where nobody is a winner. We must do better next year.
It's generally accepted that Week 10 of the NFL is when we start to see who is for real. Last week we learned a few things. Cincinnati are the best team in the AFC North. I'm crediting Hard Knocks, and naturally, The Interesting One. I've always treated the Bears and the Eagles as my back up teams. If it wasn't for Steve and Mike, I wouldn't have the NFL to warm my autumn weekends, it's thanks to those guys I give a shit about this sport, and in return, I root for their teams. But this season, Jesus Christ, rooting for those guys is a nightmare. Andy Reid seems intent on throwing games away, and Matt Forte can't run the ball, but is useful at being the Bears number 1 receiver. And so although I will always pray for these teams to win, the Bengals have overtaken them, they are my number 2 team. I love every single thing about the Bengals, Larry Johnson aside. I adore Chad OchoCinco, he's the funniest athlete to have walked this Earth and hot damn if he isn't one of the best WRs i've seen play this season. I love the rebirth of Ced Benson. I love Coach Marv and how fired up Coach Zimmer is, even after the death of his wife. I love the young corners who are playing way above their ceilings. I love Ray Malaluga. Mainly for grinding on Erin Andrews. See below.
My own team are a shambles. GM Tim Ruskell is still living on the Superbowl game, credit for which belongs solely to Mike Holmgren. Since then, Ruskell has failed to construct a competitive football team. Our offensive line barely exists, and there is no left tackle replacement waiting in the wings, because Ruskell failed to see that Walter Jones was finished. We continue to play a useless 4-3, despite no pass rush ability on that D-line. Patrick Kerney is not the player he was. We're have a depth of talent only at linebacker. Our secondary can't tackle. Marcus Trufant is playing like he forgot pass interference rules. It proves frustrating, watching the Arizona Cardinals dominate the division. Even the goddamned 49ers are a better team than we are this season. Talk a few weeks ago of the return of Mike Holmgren seems misled, from the looks of things he's talking to my boy Randy Lerner and headed for the Dawg Pound. And for that reason, for the remainder of the 2009 season, i'm adopting Dem Bengals, and i'm riding that train all the way to Miami.
Much like my Seahawks, my Prairie Dogs are dead in the water. A heartbreaking loss on Monday night (thanks a bunch Brady Quinn) leaves us 3-7, with no hope of return. The season is over. I'm playing now only for pride, desperate to finish in the top 8. Even that looks unlikely. So I need another team to root for. Who to choose...
Including this week, there are 4 games remaining until the play offs.
In the East, the Baby Bulls continue to lead the division, 2 games ahead, and odds on favourites to win the division. The Giant Rats essentially have the West wrapped up and ready for sale. They need one victory to secure their play off spot. The Central really still is anyone's game, but it seems the Hustle and H'Birds will battle it out. The real competition is for the single wildcard spot. By my call there are 5 teams in real consideration. The Tantrum have underpeformed all season, finding themselves only at .500. The Red Tops on the other hand, have managed to overcome a terrible draft, and awful start to the season, and find themselves very much in contention. Both Warriors and Box Turtles also have fight left in them. Let's look at some schedules.
The Bulls need two wins to take the Eastern crown, and facing no teams over .500, it wouldn't be wise to bet against them. But their last two match ups are against the two teams hungry to snatch glory at the final furlong. If the BBs struggle in the next two weeks, there is no ruling out an epic home stretch collapse.
If the Tantrum are to be the team of destiny, they'll want no less than three victories. The match up to watch is the divisional clash next week against the Red Tops. The loser will be dead in the water.
Things may look equally tough for the boys from the Patapsco Basin, but bear in mind that Ricky Williams all-running, all-catching performance last night all but gives the RTs a Week 11 Victory. Consider them 6-5. A win against the Tantrum next week will give this limited squad not only a chance at the Eastern title, but put them in prime position to make that Wildcard spot.
The Warriors will more than likely need three wins from four for a Wildcard shot. Unfortunately for them, they face two division leaders, and a Wildcard contender down the stretch. Getting two from three against the Bulls, Turtles and Rats is a long shot.
How did these guys get here? By showing faith in the squad all season, refusing to trade, and winning when it matters. In terms of strength of schedule, the Box Turtles have a real shot at making the play offs. Three wins should be easier to come across with this bunch.
It's a nice stretch for the leaders of the Central division. Again no team over .500, but the last three match ups pits the Hustle against all division foes, potentially setting up a last weekend, winner takes all game against the H'birds.
The H'birds find themselves in a similar situation to their Hustlin' rivals, but with a far greater challenge this week. To keep things close they'll be looking to knock off the overall MTL leader this week, and failure to do so may result in a 2 game deficit with only three games left.
I don't mean to cause offense to the Goblins, the Boilermakers, or the Wranglers. I just don't think you have a shot. At least you can all say you put up a fight. For us, it's the Consolation Ladder, and the shamed glory which that can bring.
ESPN Lines
Prairies (+23) @ Red Tops (-23)
Bulls (-2) @ Warriors (+2)
Tantrum (-2) @ Hustle (+2)
B'Makers (+2) @ Goblins (-2)
Box Turtles (+12) @ Wranglers (-12)
Giant Rats (-48) @ H'birds (+48)
Well before picking my favourite, I need to consider where everyone will be going into next week. Like I said previously, the Red Tops have it locked up. They're 6-5.
The Bulls got a slightly disappointing 15 points from DeAngelo through the week, and if i'm him, i'm super angry. Anywhere the red zone those idiot Panthers let Jake throw it either out of bounds, to the Dolphins secondary, or he just hugged it close while they sacked him. 4 times. Each on 3rd down. I like the Warriors here. You always want your tight end to be playing San Diego, and with Denver's defense falling apart, you like Phil Rivers here too. With Peterson bound to really tear things up against Seattle, and Kevin Smith playing Cleveland... To me the Bulls end up 7-4, and the Warriors 6-5.
Being a Seattle fan and waiting for the All Day showdown on Sunday feels a lot like watching flood water rise, there's sweet F.A. you can do to stop the inevitable. Honestly. It's going to be messy.
Hollingworth better hope that Jerious Norwood is still hurting, because if he isn't, he's getting no RB production this week. But you have to like the recently shaky Brees against the Bucs. Eitherway, i'm taking the Hustle, with Schaub, Hightower and Ochocinco scoring biiiiiiiiig. Hustle 7-4, Tantrum 5-6.
Not much to say in this one, but give me the Boilermakers. They climb to 4-7, the Goblins drop to 4-7.
Box Turtles/Wranglers is a humdinger. Tough week for the turtles, and a nice week for the Wranglers. Bernard Scott could prove to be a tasty pick up, if only for the week, he sure looked nice last weekend. Maybe I wrote them off too soon? I like the Wranglers here, putting them at 5-6, and dropping the Turtles to 5-6.
Finally the Rats and H'birds. You never ever want to bet against Chris Johnson, but it looks pretty certain that Mike Turner is out, plus the Rats have a really nice week match up wise. I put them at a frightening 9-2, and sadly for Mark B, the H'birds drop to 5-6, sealing the West for the Giant Rats.
If these play out like I think they will...
Hustle (7-4)
Bulls (7-4)
Red Tops (6-5)
Warriors (6-5)
Tantrum (5-6)
Wranglers (5-6)
Turtles (5-6)
H'birds (5-6)
Is this race tight or what! I'm calling it now. Bulls, Hustle and Giant Rats for Division Titles. The Wildcard... nope, can't do it. It's too close. But at least there is some semblence of parity in this league, unlike the NFL. And the stretch is going to be exciting as hell.
But for what it's worth, i'm rooting for the Red Tops. Because i've been Wire binging like hell recently.
Discussion...
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